As we step into a new year, it’s natural to reflect on the passage of time, relationships, and the opportunities for growth that lie ahead. Borrowing inspiration from the words of Alan Watts, who once said, “The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance,” this could be the perfect time to make this your year — the year your relationship transforms, strengthens, and blossoms.
One of the most impactful ways to breathe new life into a relationship is through the principles of Gottman Couples Therapy. Grounded in over four decades of research by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, this evidence-based approach provides tools and techniques that can help couples reconnect, rebuild trust, and nurture enduring love. So, how can their work help make this year your year?
1. Build a Solid Foundation: A Couple's Sound Relationship House
The Gottman Method begins with a metaphorical “Sound Relationship House”—a framework for building a resilient partnership. The foundation of this house is knowing each other deeply and cultivating what the Gottmans call a “love map”: a rich understanding of your partner’s inner world. As Alan Watts often spoke of mindfulness and presence, this process mirrors those ideas. When you take the time to understand your partner’s dreams, fears, and preferences, you create a base of connection and trust. This year, commit to rediscovering your partner’s world—and letting them into yours.
2. The Power of Small Moments
The Gottmans emphasize the significance of everyday interactions, or “bids for connection.” These small moments, like asking about your partner’s day or sharing a smile, form the building blocks of a thriving relationship. In the words of Watts, “No valid plans for the future can be made by those who have no capacity for living now.” By turning toward your partner’s bids for connection—even in seemingly mundane moments—you’re choosing presence over distraction, love over indifference. This year, make a resolution to be mindful of these opportunities to strengthen your bond.
3. Weathering the Storms: Manage Conflict, Don’t Avoid It
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but the Gottman Method teaches that how you handle conflict is far more important than whether it arises. The goal isn’t to eliminate disagreements but to approach them with curiosity, understanding, and respect. Think of it as practicing what Watts described as “going with the flow”—learning to navigate life’s turbulence together rather than resisting it. Start by replacing criticism with gentle start-ups, avoiding defensiveness, and taking responsibility for your part in the conflict. Let this year be the one where you both learn to fight for the relationship, not against each other.
4. Rekindle the Friendship and Romance in your Relationship
At its core, a lasting relationship is rooted in friendship. The Gottmans’ research shows that couples who share laughter, fondness, and admiration for one another are more likely to stay together. Taking time to nurture the friendship beneath the romance can spark feelings of closeness and connection. As Watts observed, “This is the real secret of life—to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now.” Set aside time for shared activities, date nights, and meaningful conversations to rekindle your bond. Make this year the one where you rediscover the joy of being fully present with each other.
5. Lean Into the Dream
Finally, the Gottman Method invites couples to honor and support each other’s dreams. Whether it’s a shared vision of the future or individual aspirations, understanding and championing these dreams creates a sense of partnership and purpose. Watts’ philosophy reminds us that life isn’t about control but about participation in the unfolding mystery. This year, make space for each other’s dreams, and let them guide you toward a shared horizon.
New Year, New Opportunities
The start of a new year is a chance to set intentions, redefine priorities, and take steps toward a more fulfilling relationship. Using the tools of Gottman Couples Therapy, you can move into this year with a renewed sense of purpose and connection. As you reflect on Watts’ reminder to “join the dance” of life, consider this your invitation to dance together—not perfectly, but mindfully and wholeheartedly.
This can be your year. Your year to grow closer, communicate better, and love more deeply. Are you ready to begin?
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